Forget the year–Japanese style
A bonenkai (忘年会) is a get-together to celebrate the ending year and, above all, the chance to forget everything that was wrong with it. These parties are more like a New Year’s Eve bash than a cheery, subdued holiday event. But since they’re not confined to December 31st, you can attend bonenkai throughout the whole month of December. Most company workers, in fact, will attend at least two to three in the month.Whether in-person or virtual, bonenkai provide an opportunity to more or less wipe the slate clean before entering the new year, and an important moment to bond with your colleagues. They are meant to be a fun, intimate party experience you share together. We all have things we’d like to forget about the last year before a new year starts, don’t we? So if you have the opportunity to attend one, be sure you show up.
If your bonenkai is virtual, try to partake in some of the same foods and drinks as others for a shared experience. The group could decide on a theme and show up on your virtual platform with the theme-based foods, but also clothing and anything else you can creatively come up with. Describing what you're each eating and drinking could be part of the party. If you have a funny story to go with it, so much the better! It's time to relax and laugh together, and hope for better things next year.
Although a company may sponsor a bonenkai, friends and co-workers look forward to their small-group gatherings where they can drown their troubles from the past year in large amounts of alcohol. And, a bonus is that since everyone else will be pretty intoxicated, they’re likely to forget or excuse the errant (sometimes flagrant) behavior of others.
If you are celebrating in-person, the most common place to hold a small to medium-sized bonenkai is at an izakaya. An izakaya is something like a pub in the U.K. They are casual taverns where groups of friends and co-workers can kick back, let their hair down, and imbibe. Food and drinks are ordered for the group as a whole, so the check is divvied up no matter how much or little you eat or drink.
Usual drinking etiquette applies, of course:
• Don't pour your own drink.
• Wait until everyone has a drink and all can say “kampai” (cheers) before even taking a sip.
• Refill drinks for your colleagues or friends around you. Bottles of alcohol are ordered for the table rather than for the individual so you can simply pick up any bottle and pour for another person.
• While someone is pouring for you, lift your glass.
Women often use both hands when pouring a drink and holding a glass, while men just use one unless pouring for someone of much higher status. Of course, as people get more inebriated the etiquette often deteriorates.
The bonenkai custom actually has a relatively long history. The gatherings began sometime in the 16th century as gatherings to express thanks to others. By the 18th century, they evolved (or devolved, depending on your proclivity) to resemble the year-end parties of today more closely.
So raise your glass, say “cheers,” “Thank you for everything,” and “Good-bye old year!”
